Life Happens

It has been a while since I wrote anything. Life gets busy, I got lazy, and just felt like I had nothing to say.

I've lost 125 pound from 9/24 until now and I wanted to talk a little bit about what looking so differently in the mirror can feel like.

I have no idea who that person is. I wear size 10/12 clothes now and I have no idea when I was last that size... Maybe never. I've been day since childhood and I never thought I'd not be fat. Our society tells us that we need to be like super models and movie stars but that isn't tethered in reality.

Believe me, being smaller changes nothing about who I feel like inside. I'm a stranger to my reflection. I don't know how much space I take up anymore. I'm surprised when these small clothes for my body. Even my hands look foreign to me!

Do I feel better? Yes. I am less of a burden on my family now. I have more energy to do things. Steve and I went to visit my daughter and her family and we went to Busch Gardens. I walked over 9,000 steps and we were there from 11am to 8pm. I was not dead the next day either! I've been working with PT to be able to do that excursion.

My imposter syndrome is going crazy right now because I am little on the outside but my personal vision of myself hasn't changed yet. I feel like I'm faking being a size 10/12 which logically I know is ridiculous.

I remember a time when I thought being smaller would be the way I was happy. Now I know I it can enhance happiness, even if I'm not caught up to having an accurate mental image of myself, I'll get there!